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Ungrieving Grievances
Complaints to the board need not ruin its effectiveness.
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The day before I was to leave on a much-needed vacation (the first full break in several years), I had lunch with one of our elders. I could tell something was bothering him. It wasn't long before he told me: he had heard some grievances and thought I should be aware of them. Someone had complained my salary was too high. Someone else felt I was taking too much vacation time. Another person expressed dismay that we had promised our Bible conference speaker a set honorarium instead of whatever came in the offering. Someone else was bothered that the screen we used for overhead projection seemed to be in the way of the choir. My response to most complaints is to be a little aggravated and a lot tickled; I've learned they're just part of the job. But my fellow board members were far from amused. In fact, some had suggested a private meeting be held while I was on vacation. Though the more seasoned members realized this was unwise and blocked the idea, I saw there was more at stake here than a few minor irritations. It was time we learned together how to react to gripes, how to "ungrieve grievances." So upon returning from vacation (more rested and objective), I thought through how the board and I could best handle the little complaints that seem so large at the moment. Reflecting on my years as a church consultant, lay board member, and pastor, I identified five principles that have proven helpful in handling gripes. Expect GrievancesEven though Paul told the Philippian church to do all things "without complaining," church life is rarely free of strife. Even in spiritually mature congregations, people find fault. It comes with the territory. There seem to be two extreme responses. Newer board members tend to expect meetings to be blissful harmony and an edifying discussion of the spiritual needs of the congregation. What they often hear, however, are gripes. Right now I fear for the newest and youngest member of our board; exposure to these grievances might sour him on the church or church leadership. If he can accept grievances as an inevitability, however, he'll make it. On the other hand, old board members often expect nothing but grievances. They grow accustomed to each meeting's being filled with the complaints of various individuals and the attempts of the board to deal with them. One veteran board member got so fed up he quit, and he told me, "If I see much more conflict in the church, I'll bail out altogether!" Such people need to see that while grievances are to be expected, they don't have to dominate the work of the board. Through learning to expect griping as one of the many things they need to handle, newer board members can be saved from disillusionment, and older members can be protected from cynicism. Consider the SourceLike the woman who noticed only the peacock's skinny legs, some people have an eye for seeing what's wrong. Others, though, rarely find fault. I've found it important to consider which type of person a complaint is coming from. If it comes from someone who seems to have the spiritual gift of criticism, it carries less weight than if it comes from someone who seldom speaks a negative word. Only time will tell the difference between these two types. |             |
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