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I Actually Like Elders Meetings!
One question changed my tune and taught me to move in step with them.
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Tuesday morning and I feel great. Why? We had an elders meeting last night! These days, I look forward to our meetings. We get things done, tackle tough issues, laugh, and afterward, "shoot the breeze." I appreciate our elders, and depend on them. But I admit, I haven't always felt like that. Not until one night when I asked a question and really stopped to listen. Dancing with a stubbed toeIt was our first meeting in a new term, with our newly elected elders joining us around the table. "So," I asked, "what are your feelings coming into this term of service?" There was a long pause. And then, slowly, carefully, they began to speak. It had been a simple question, but their responses revealed significant pain just below the surface. One man told a story from his previous term. He had been doing his best work for the church, trying to do a good and helpful thing, when a few church members snarled at him. This man is quiet and godly, and an experienced elder. He is no wimp. But he ended his story with a brief "That hurt." Another elder told of a disagreement with a previous pastor. There were only a few honest differences of opinion, but this elder felt the pastor had turned his back on him, walked away, and pretty much severed their relationship. (Memo to self: He wonders if I'll do that to him, too, if he dares offer a divergent thought.) This elder, a gentle, sincere Christian man, has contributed greatly to the work of our church. But he came to this term feeling burned. That seemed to be the consensus. Most of these men felt burned. They were not whiners looking for pity. They were strong, Christ-like leaders, willing to serve. But they were also disappointed with church leadership, and wary. They were willing to do the leadership dance, but with little joy, eagerness, or anticipation as they braced themselves for the inevitable pain of someone, maybe me as their pastor, stepping on the same wounded toe. How could we possibly work well together if we're waiting to get burned again? Elders or wallflowers?"Dance with who brung ya" is an old phrase encouraging a young lady with a roving eye to remember to dance with her date. After that meeting with the elders, I realized that I've been like that young lady at times, eyeing bigger churches, better programs, and expanding visions. These things capture my imagination and suddenly, the elders (who "brung me") can tell that my attentions are elsewhere. I've begun to push, drag, manipulate, or ignore them. That night I realized that I hadn't been connected to these elders at the soul level, and that I needed to pay attention to them, to respect them, and to appreciate them. Learning new stepsAs long as the elders guarded themselves against anticipated pain, our leadership dance would be awkward. Suspicion and defensiveness would cloud our meetings. I wanted our church's leaders to be trusted and affirmed in our church, and for that to happen, I needed to learn some new, more godly steps. |             |
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